Lions, and tigers, and bears! Oh my!

I stopped writing for a bit. These last few months were tough for me in so very many ways. When I did start back in it was more catharsis than craft. Only now do I feel like I'm finding my voice once more. It's a great blessing we have here, this universe, this cycle. The key is to dance it gracefully with joy, charity, love and hope. Most importantly though is to share it, this wonderful life. Nothing is greater than the ability to discover and understand and finally love other people. I'm blessed in this way as I have found, within my yoga community, two beautiful women, in spirit and poise who have become beacons of light in my life. And I, in turn, find I mean a lot to them. The time we spend together is pure magic in terms of coming to understand each others' fears and hopes and who we are as we continue to grow. I am learning from them how to laugh and dance again. They are carving the word Namasté on my soul with a gleeful abandon. I do love them dearly.

When you're walking in the dark wood and the noises surrounding you are unfamiliar and somewhat threatening just remember - reach out to the left and right, grasp your friends' hands firmly and take a little hop. Then a skip, and let out a small whisper - "Lions, and tigers, and bears. Oh my". Work it up into a full blown dance number, singing at the top of your lungs and before you know it, you and your friends are out of the woods, together.

Aeturnum

Of no needs have I, he said,
nor wants, desires, envy.
I'll take my company with the dead
and whither God may send me.

So late the thoughts of you have stayed
to feed my tired dreams.
At night I cry before I pray
to gods I've never seen.

This is a hard time of year for me. Long ago, in another place, I watched someone, whom I loved deeply and fought with voraciously, destroy themselves. Their inner anguish broke through and the years of hidden self loathing had become a bath of despair. Substance abuse was the requisite escape until finally it became, not an alleviation for the pain, but an answer to the problem.

I had done what I could to get her through another tough holiday season. The holidays, with expectations, memories and hauntings were always a dark domain. I left, thinking that we'd made it yet again, perhaps a new year entailed a new hope. When you're drowning, you don't stop to consider what it is that you've grasped with all your might. All you can do is will it to hold you up, to support you, and pray.

The body was in a coma for a week until I made the decision to end its journey; the soul had left long before that, of this I'm sure. I didn't cry then, I couldn't. I could just move and keep moving. I guess I still am.

Is There Balm In Gilead?

There are many kinds of wounds, they scar in different ways. Those of the soul, the psyche, have their own agenda and may last for hours, weeks or even years. The most deadly, most dangerous, are those that we inflict upon ourselves. They have no natural healing rites. In fact we may, in turn, reopen them again and again. There is but one salve for this, that of which artists have discovered to be an elemental truth. Within the congress of creativity lies a purification ritual, cleansing the laceration and sublimating the distress. These acts, endeavors, products of our hope and imagination are the concourse of amelioration.

Song of the Soul

Just saw a movie called Enlighten Up. A very good documentary on one person's search (actually two, the subject and the director) for a transformative experience though the practice of yoga. If it comes to your area and you're at all curious about yoga then you should check it out. If you're the type who thinks about spirituality in general, then there's some darn good points being made here, worth a look.

It really got me to thinking about what is it to have a spiritual quest guiding your sense of purpose, that is, to feel that some portion of your life is spent searching for meaning. I've been struggling with this lately. I'm not even sure what the question is though I know from the feeling of non satiation within that I need something more out of this life than what I learned in school and from my peers and parents.

I have a friend who idea of bliss is to sit out on his back porch tossing down beers and listening to conservative talk radio. This is what makes him happy. He's put in a hard day of work, he has a great relationship with his wife and children and is a pillar in his community. He knows what his life is about and he's happy. He's accomplished what he set out to do. In no way can I fault him, though our political views are quite diametric. In fact, I thoroughly admire him for the strength of his convictions.

As I was going to a meeting this morning I passed a man on the street, a small, gnome of a man with wispy white hair and and grey stubble across his face. He was in fatigues and a t-shirt, bent a bit by a large pack on his back filled to the brim with clothing and a sleeping bag. Around his waist was a utility belt garnished by the accoutrements of one who lives off the land - knife, flashlight, canteen. At first I thought, ok, another homeless guy; the streets of Boston are filled with them, especially near the financial district. But as I passed, I looked at him and we locked eyes for some time. In a flash, I realized, this was not a homeless person, rather this was someone who carried his home with him wherever he traveled. He was completely comfortable with who he was and he was laughing at us, I could tell by the glint in his eye, as we passed by, dressed up in our suits and ties.

All day I thought about this. The little guy on the street seemed happy, my friend, the conservative, a very happy person. What do they have that so many of us don't or at least feel we need to search for? What makes them happy? It occurs to me that these are two individuals who have been successful at defining the boundaries of their being and in doing so are now capable of filling themselves up and taking measurement. Perhaps, happiness is thinking that you're full or near full with experience and you've done what you can to reach the edges of your defined existence. That's not to say that they not capable of experiencing more and newer things but each fresh cognizant tickle now falls neatly into a belief structure that they have built and maintain.

And what of the rest of us, the restless and discombobulated, those who seem to be seeking, yet never quite finding, that inner peace? Are we a different breed or are we missing the boat entirely? Should we just hang our hat on something and say, that's it, I measure everything against this and my degree of happiness is now set to the meniscus of experiences I may have.

My gut (and translate this to mean my ego) says that no, we're searchers and there's a holiness in this act, a justification in terms of the universe keeping an accounting of our endeavors. At some point we get payed back for all this and we get that thing, that stuff, that enlightenment moment, and that, of course, is a neon sign in hot pink pointing to HAPPINESS.

Are you buying this? As I write it out I'm not so sure. What is the end result of this archaeology of the soul? A friend asked me the other day - don't you want to be happy? In truth, I couldn't answer. Would you give up the journey if you knew that at any point you chose to stop, you could plant your flag, set up camp, and happiness would find you. Is it a trade off?

To Emily, Wherever You May Find Her

Dear Emily,

There is no Santa Claus. The good guys don't always win. And that prince you were waiting for - well, he took off with a dancer from Club Pixie. Sometimes Emily, that happy ending is, in reality, a tear soaked pillow.

Emily, it's not that we lied to you, it's just that we never told you the truth. People are complicated and though you may want to believe they all mean well, particularly the ones you've come to love, it's not always the case. By nature the heart wants to reach out, wants to mate. This exists in all , yet also within us there is a cruelty capable of occluding the joy that this communion promises.

These two forces not only coexist but each in turn feeds the other, and the stronger the one, the stronger the twain. We are, dear Emily, a set of conflictions when it comes to relationships. It seems as though when you tap into that point where people start to feel their hearts reaching out then the ego reaches in and it becomes a struggle. Strong emotions call forth strong reactions. We all wrestle with this at some level but there are those who bear psychic scars from the past beyond the norm of teenage angst, who are intrinsically damaged in this area. Love, while never simple, becomes a crowded affair for these people. Love, in some, brings with it an entourage of disdain and scorn.

And listen Emily, listen carefully, when these negative emotions appear they are not aimed at you but because this person cannot find the ability to love themselves, you become the target. Because they connect fear and doubt towards honoring their own being, they transfer this to all things that they may potentially love before those roots can truly grow.

There is no cure that you can bring for this, no pleading, no negotiations. This is who they are. They have to recognize it and know how self denying it is and then, perhaps, change can come from within. Sad as it may seem, the harder you try to reach them, the stronger they feel justified in fleeing from any sense of exposure of their true soul.

Em, there is no yellow brick road. Oz for these people is, in most cases, someone who is more damaged than they are. They increasingly sink into a co-dependent trap of despair, never quite realizing that each iteration takes them further from their true being and the reason they are here for this breath of the life cycle.

Girl, you don't have to follow them down. I know you and I know how strong you can be and how much love you have to give. Find the receptacle for all that joy and hope. Seek a partner to dance with, one who communicates richly, one who can grow as you grow.

This is the dharma we are here for, to give love and take love - not unconditionally, but with grace and good measure. Those who can't and won't, those that challenge others to fill some emptiness inside rather than just accepting love - let them go, without anger. Their journey is tough enough already.

A Man's Reach Should Exceed His Grasp

One of my minor passions is painting. In truth, I have more passion than talent and recently, more ambition than common sense. I've had an recurring image in my mind for the last six months. Finally I've come to admit to myself that I have to tackle it in some fashion - see if I can't capture it in oil. Problem is, I envision it at a certain size, which is four times larger than I've ever painted before.

Well, damn the torpedoes, as they say. I went out and bought the canvas and framers and threw it together so now I have a large blank 6 X 4 canvas sitting at one end of my living room waiting for attention. 24 square feet - it takes up a lot of space and frankly I'm intimidated. Slowly though I've started sketching rough hewn aspects with charcoal. It may take me a while but that's the nature of the game.

I mention this because it's the same pattern for adopting new technology. If you're a small company, just starting out, you have a wealth of choices as far as software to utilize for the various functions you need. In fact, much of it is free, which is truly amazing and more importantly, for a small company, can level the playing field quite a bit. The quality of this free software is in most cases at what we call enterprise level, meaning it's been vetted by corporate IT (information technology) departments who have the cash to really check these puppies out in areas such as security and reliability.

There's a catch though. The software is free but you have to learn how to use it. This is the hidden cost. The more powerful the software, the more complex it is, and the learning curve gets steeper. As an entrepreneur I have to make some key decisions. First I have to have a vision of my corporate infrastructure. What do I need now, what will I need two years from now? What can I afford, much is free, but things like websites and databases have to live somewhere, do I set up my own in an office or do I rent space on a hosting platform. There are literally dozens of questions along these lines.

Second, what do I have time for and where can I do something easier and faster. Today's game is to get up and out with post haste. Once there, you need to run like the wind, so your systems have to be expandable, reliable and most importantly transferable, meaning you can hire someone to come in and pick up what you started.

What you need first and foremost is a image of your company, today and down the road. Picture it as you want to build it, see it as a successful endeavor two years out and then walk the aisles and look around - what are your bottlenecks, what are your people doing, what are your clients requesting? Build today for that image. Frame your painting to the size of your vision and use that to judge how much canvas to buy. Just be prepared to be intimidated for a while as you absorb new technology.

"We're gonna need a bigger boat"

In the movie, Jaws, the police chief, played by Roy Sheider, is throwing chum out the back of the boat, into the water. His attention is on a conversation with the other two crew members, the captain and the researcher, Hooper. As he turns back to look out towards the ocean, the shark, following the boat unseen, surges forward and up, an enormous set of teeth filling the screen. The police chief staggers backwards stunned and, turning to the captain, says "we're gonna need a bigger boat".

I had lofty intentions at the start of this blog. I wanted to track the intersection of technology and society, cook it up a bit, throw in a few spiritual biscuits, and call it a meal. Doesn't seem to be working. I feel like I'm getting overly self absorbed. I'd like to get away from that, or at least justify it, and yet still find a way to concentrate on the things that I find interesting. It's a struggle. What I need is a bigger boat.

So moving forward I'm going to write more about trying to bring yoga further into my life. This is what interests me. On the topic of technology, there's plenty of cool stuff out there but much it has no heart. It's a fun game and lord knows I like building stuff as much as the next cat but often in the past I've completed a complex software system and spent weeks wondering why I felt like I just wasted my time. Sure, it paid the bills and it's making some company a lot of money but for me it was six months or a year of my life with not a lot of pleasure and really not a lot for me to remember and savor.

I want to enjoy what I'm doing here. More importantly, I'd like to get more enjoyment out of this life - for that I feel I need something like yoga. I'm slowly putting myself back together, piece by piece. The parts don't all fit and I'm throwing away what I don't need. It's a painful process. I'm only now learning how to trust people. I have much gratitude for the community of friends I have discovered through yoga and the few that have put up with me over the years. I have a great love for them, something I could never say before.

An integral part of the redesign and rehabilitation of my life is starting my own company. My second attempt at this. The embers from the first company are completely cool now and I'd like to take what I've learned from that and the insights I'm gaining through yoga and see if I can't get it right this time. So as a blog, we're switching directions here. I'm taking yoga into the corporate and entrepreneurial world and I'm going to see how it fares. More importantly, and maybe more interestingly, I'm going to see what it's like to build a company using the tenets of yoga and other spiritual practices. I'm going to be a chronicler of this. This blog, a record of the journey.

It's a bigger boat but one that I can steer, and I know these seas a bit. It should be fun heading out into deep waters.

Time To Check Your Dance Cards

"Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want something badly enough. They are there to keep out the other people."

This has become one of my favorite quotes. It's by Randy Pausch, a man, a teacher, who died recently, at an early age, from cancer. Between diagnosis and death he recorded an internet anthem, what is called "The Last Lecture". If you haven't seen it - do yourself a favor, take an hour, sit down, click on the video and savor what this man has to say about life.

But that's not what I brought you here for. What I want to talk to you about is the difference between giving up on a relationship and simply letting go. How do you know when you've tried enough? What magic measurement is there that tells you - ok, I've done everything possible, now it's time to head for the exit? When does it go past heroic and into pathetic? Man - if I really had the answer to this I'd be writing a column for the New York Star - ala Carrie Bradshaw. What I do have is some experience, painful and otherwise and the urge to clear my own head about a recent bout of relationshipitis.

The first thing is - you have to believe that you've really tried. If you wave your hands, breathe hard once or twice and then, when it gets tough, you check out, well that's not really trying. Nothing wrong with that - but admit it, you're just sampling. First thing is - it has to hurt. Not just you but that harder kind of hurt, the one where you know you've made someone else's life a little bit tougher. That's a bad feeling. If you're not understanding this then you're a sociopath and you should find another blog.

Next, you've moved into a place where you're examining yourself and who you are. You're dining at the existentialist table and no one's brought you silverware. If you're not shaken to the core by the demise of your relationship, if you clearly see yourself post-partner as happy and sufficient then there's no need for the angst. The question of "are you giving up" versus "are you letting go" really doesn't apply to you. Go rent a villa in Italy, write a book and just be happy. The rest of us will tackle the tough questions, the nitty, gritty details of going face to face with someone we're not sure about everyday.

Still here? OK, the work begins.

Randy had it right - it's about brick walls and asking the question - is this a wall I have to climb? I guess the first answer has to be - alright , it's a wall - that means there's something on the other side. If I do get over it, or through it or under it or discover some previously unknown physical law that lets me transport, I will find , on the other side, what I want. Let me repeat that last triplet. What I Want. If you look at me and and go "gee, I don't know what I want, being with this person is going to solve all my problems" then all I have to say is you're better off buying lottery tickets. May I suggest MegaBucks on Fridays and Saturdays and MassCash on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, try 129 - it's my favorite number.

So you know what you want - this guy or girl fits the bill and figures predominantly into the visions you have of Christmases to come. Well no problem then - just make it work. If they've got issues, particularly that big issue - they don't want to be with you - then it's not a wall; it's a moat, a lake, a sea, an ocean. Maybe you've got a boat but odds are they're seeing beaches you can't reach. Look at the clouds - pay attention to this person just as you would watch the sky for those rolling thunderheads. Why would you sail into a storm? Listen, wait for a better day, they always show up. Be open and accepting and the soft breeze that comes will bring smiles rather than the terror of clinging to the gunwale and being tossed about in waters not of your making. Remember, always - you choose when you sail.

The last scenario is the toughest. It's why I'm sitting here late into the night, nursing a bottle of wine and thinking of you, dear reader. You're both in love. For arguments sake, with each other. Yet something isn't right, it's not working. There's no doubt - you love him and he loves you. Still, every time you interact, you walk away feeling hmmm, not quite right, not what I wanted. There's no obvious problem, the sex is good or at least ok, the conversation, at times engaging. You have mutual friends and you exist as a couple in the eyes of the world. Yet somehow there's something missing.

Here we come to the point - if it's not working then we have to say goodbye - right?

Don't know - (I know you want answers - well, look in the mirror - are you smiling right now?) it's your call but please, there are so many sad relationships out there, built on desperation and convenience - don't settle. Don't be afraid to go on. Examine the situation, understand the conditions you exist in, if they don't suit you then make a decision.

Sometimes you have to give up - it's a key part of self preservation but more often that not, you have to let go of a relationship. That's ok - the secret is to take care of yourself and trust that the other person will do the same . That's the magic. Letting go is the right way to say goodbye. Do it gracefully, with poise and power, bow to your partner and let then know how much you appreciated the dance. Then, once again, pay attention to the music.

Where Have All The Flowers Gone?

Been thinking a lot lately about the earth and our sustainability. Certainly something that is on most people's minds as the price of oil rises daily and the availability of affordable food, particularly in the Third World, becomes a major issue bordering on catastrophe. We actually have it pretty good here at home, it's a lot tougher out there kids.

I ran across a riddle on one of my recent journeys. I had to think about it for a while as I was processing the oil crisis, the food crisis and the growing cost of many commodities. Developing economies, both large and small, are ramping up with their own growth which is great. However, more and more, they are beginning to emulate the United States' behavior of consumption. In all of history, no culture has been as voracious as the U.S. in devouring this planet's assets. Now, two more giants, countries with five times the number of people we have, want to start acting like us. What are going to say? Don't do as I did, don't enjoy the wealth of this planet as I have? That's not going to fly.

So the riddle goes like this - "What is it, that the more you take, the more you leave behind?". Clearly a resource we need to exploit in our own inimitable way.

Here's some statistics to flavor the discussion :

If we could shrink the earth's population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look something like the following:

There would be:

57 Asians
21 Europeans
14 from the Western Hemisphere, both north and south
8 Africans
_
52 would be female
48 would be male
_
70 would be non-white
30 would be white
_
70 would be non-Christian
30 would be Christian
_
89 would be heterosexual
11 would be homosexual
_
6 people would possess 59% of the entire world's wealth and all 6 would be from
the United States.
_
80 would live in substandard housing
70 would be unable to read
50 would suffer from malnutrition
1 would be near death; 1 would be near birth
1 (yes, only 1) would have a college education
1 would own a computer

- from The Sustainable Living Directory

So - if you're reading this, then you're probably in that last category, the 1 out of 100 who actually has a computer, lucky you.

What's going on here? I think I'm like most people in that I see these type of statistics, or some fashion of them, on a regular basis. I'm aghast at the reality yet I don't feel these numbers in my gut. I'm really not connected to those 99 other people. They don't live in my house, on my street, hell - their kids don't even go to the same school as mine. So why should I worry?

These are hungry people, in so many ways. They want the lifestyle we have, and justifiably so. And they're getting it, they're working hard to match what we have today and take for granted. Technology has shown them a window into the wealth of the western world and they're not going to stop until they too create a lifestyle much like ours. Should we be worried?

Well, it's like this - you're sitting at the soda fountain with your best friend and both of you are totally enjoying that malted shake. As your faces draw near each other, you both take a big pull on your straws and delight in the coolness and the flavor that comes up. So, as you're savoring this, three or four more of your friends come up and stick their straws into that shake and, smiling, they begin to suck away. In fact, since there is only a limited amount of shake every body begins to suck harder to get more in faster. That big shake starts to look mighty small and soon you begin to hear noises, you know, the ones where the liquid at the bottom is mixing with air and you're making those loud slurping sounds. In today's world that equates to market conditions and rising prices. Get used to it.

Are there answers? Sure, I'm a big believer in technology and the ability to deliver alternate resources and more efficient methods of using what we have. The problem is, we're sucking on those straws so hard and so fast that we may not have time to implement the answers before panic sets in. And history teaches us profoundly, panic over resources leads to war amongst nations. This is no laughing matter. The next two decades begin a delicate walk cross a minefield of potential trigger points centering the needs of one country's people versus another.

So back to my riddle. What can we do today, what are the sustainable resources we can tap in to to give us some sorely needed relief.

"What is it, that the more you take, the more you leave behind?"

The answer's easy : love, hope, kindness, compassion ...

These are the resources that are going to get us through these tough times; particulary useful between cultures that clash and compete over the basic right of insuring a better future for their respective children. We need to start mining these now, en masse. Farming them like there's no tomorrow and then exporting them along with all the advertising talent we've mastered in our own growth and seeing that they reach to the farthest points on the planet. Our message, through these emotional resources, has to be - pace the consumption and share responsibly. Doing this, we need to look hard at ourselves, our own lifestyles, and lead by example. This is the way of yoga and many other spiritual practices. It needs to be implemented in a palatable fashion for our general society. This should be our path, our Mahayana.

When You're Skating On Thin Ice, You Might As Well Dance

If we're willing to give up hope that insecurity and pain can be exterminated, then we can have the courage to relax with the groundlessness of our situation. This is the first step on the path.

"When Things Fall Apart" - Pema Chödrön

Poetry Just Is

There's a new Poet Laureate in our country, she takes over in the fall. Her name is Kay Ryan and I do believe she's my favorite yet. Without further ado, here is a sampling of her work. The words speak for themselves.

Hide and Seek

It’s hard
to jump out
instead of
waiting to be
found. It’s
hard to be
alone so long
and then hear
someone come
around. It’s
like some form
of skin’s developed
in the air
that, rather
than have torn,
you tear.


The Well or the Cup

How can
you tell
at the start
what you
can give away
and what
you must hold
to your heart.
What is
the well
and what is
a cup. Some
people get
drunk up.


The Niagara River

As though
the river were
a floor, we position
our table and chairs
upon it, eat, and
have conversation.
As it moves along,
we notice—as
calmly as though
dining room paintings
were being replaced—
the changing scenes
along the shore. We
do know, we do
know this is the
Niagara River, but
it is hard to remember
what that means

Things Shouldn't Be So Hard

A life should leave
Deep tracks:
ruts where she went out and back
to get the mail
or move the hose
around the yard;
where she used to
stand before the sink,
a worn-out place;
beneath her hand
the china knobs
rubbed down to
white pastilles
the switch she
used to feel for
in the dark
almost erased.
Her things should
keep her marks.
The passage
of a life should show;
It should abrade.
And when life stops,
a certain space-
however small-
should be left scarred
by the grand and
Damaging parade
Things shouldn't
Be so hard.

A CAT/A FUTURE

A cat can draw
the blinds
behind her eyes
whenever she
decides. Nothing
alters in the stare
itself but she's
not there. Likewise
a future can occlude:
still sitting there,
doing nothing rude.

Happiness is...

A friend stopped me as I was coming out of yoga class this morning; gazing at my face she said, "boy, you look different. I don't know - you're brighter, you seem more buoyant." We hadn't seen each other in a while and she continued to remark that I was like night and day from only a couple of months ago. I wanted to tell her it was my new boxers - the ones with the puppies on them, only I was in yoga gear so it was obvious I wasn't wearing them. I just smiled, made some self-deprecating comment and went on my way. But I continued to think about what she said. It's so hard sometimes to notice ourselves and how we are changing as we appear to others even as we change internally.

Then it hit me as I was walking to work. I was smiling at people and gosh darn it, they were smiling back. I was happy. It's funny, I hadn't realized it until someone pointed it out but lately I've been very happy. Normally I'm in a pretty good mood but this was different, this was simply relaxed intent with internal sunshine just pouring out. As I paid more attention I could see how it was affecting the people around me, more laughter, more smiles, more ease in dealing with the trivial day to day things.

Where did this happiness come from, and how do I bottle it? There's got to be a market for this.

I've spent some time pondering and here are three key insights :

1. In a relationship, I'm the prize. My potential partner may see it the other way around which is great but if I don't get acknowledgment that I'm something special then I'm wasting my time. There are many out there who will value you to the degree that you're truly worth - go find those people and be with them. You will be happier.

2. Find a spiritual path. It may be nebulous and circuitous but as long as you accept that you are on a journey and the guiding light is your soul beaming out in search of something then all actions are indeed meaningful. This will make you happier.

3. Create, Create, Create. - did I say create? This is the fountainhead through which the universe flows. The act of creation is blessed. That we can bring together disparate parts from a field of our choice and contribute in a measure that reflects what our heart, our being is feeling is a miracle not to be denied. That this may inspire us and others reflects the only true communication between souls. Create art, create relationships, create progeny - into all pour your entire being with joy and fear and then stand back and let the world admire. This will bring you happiness.

My World And Welcome To It

I went to a party last night, a very nice benefit held for a friend heading to South Africa to work in an aids orphanage. I truly admire her courage, and her faith in the world and herself to affect change. Anyway I was socializing and, geek that I am, proselytizing about the newest technologies that were out there for people to play with. Our host, who is a therapist, stopped me and asked if I could help him with designing a website where he could offer up a video of himself for clients to view. That's easy, I said, we could knock that out in a day, but it got me to thinking about a conversation we might have...

"So what if you wanted it to be interactive, you know, have people ask you questions and you answer them."

"That's a little more interesting though I don't know if people would actually enjoy it much less utilize something like that. It's really just the telephone with faces at that point. "

"Well what kind of therapy would work over the internet"

" I don't know, certainly not traditional therapy, a lot of that is about the interaction between the therapist and the client. There are a lot of subtle cues that would be lost over such a limited medium."

"Well what about none traditional therapies. I have a friend who's been working on getting her degree in Dance Therapy from Lesley and other friends in the past who've worked in the field of Art Therapy. These are approaches I've always thought had a lot of potential because they bring in the creative aspects of the mind as a tool towards finding answers to issues that we all have."

"Perhaps, but isn't the internet rather limited? How do you dance on a computer?

"Sure, dancing may be out but there are areas of intense creativity being generated on the internet. Have you ever heard of Second Life?"

"I've heard of it, isn't it a game where people go to meet other people."

"It's actually a virtual world where you recreate yourself through the embodiment of an Avatar".

"An Avatar?"

"Yes, a totally fictional representation of yourself as you wish to appear. You could be a man or a woman or even a child. In fact you don't even need to be human. You could have six legs, a monkey tail and the head of an alligator if that's the way you want to see yourself."

"You mean I can change my avatar to reflect what I'm feeling inside?"

"Indeed, and you can have conversations within the virtual world in this form with your therapist or even amongst your therapy group, who by the way all have their own unique avatars. An added benefit is that you can travel in these worlds, even fly, to make believe places so the therapist could conceivably introduce different actions and more sophisticated venues to reach into and explore the psyche."

"So this is Avatar Therapy."

"Yes and it does exist today in limited fashion. People use it to overcome fears such as flying or spiders. It's really up to the therapeutic community to take this and run with it. "

"There's an old saying, "The sky's the limit" - here, I guess, the only limitation is our own imagination"

Get Your Groove On

Been getting the urge to go dancing lately. I love to dance and if the music's right and the crowd's amenable I'll go all night. Coincidently, I've been reading Lewis Mumford's "Technics and Human Development" and I'm at a part where's he's conjecturing about what human gatherings were like in our early days before we had language capabilities. He believes that it was gestures and actions that helped our ancestors form nascent social organizations. Someone would get inspired and begin a sort of "Look at Me" dance; this was the start of us getting together and telling stories. Before language it was just our bodies moving and jumping around, arms flailing and feet stamping, pantomiming animals and acts of nature. This dance in turn became infectious and the whole group would pick it up, reinforcing emotions and bonding the tribe together.

In a past life I was a dancer - no, not that kind of dancing. Modern dance - Merce Cunningham, Martha Graham, et al. I wasn't really all that good at it, they kept me around mostly because I could lift women and not trip over my own feet. I loved training with a dance troupe though. We would spend hours in intricate choreography, flowing and swaying in complex patterns across the floor. It got so you were acutely aware of everyone at any given moment in space, mostly so you wouldn't run into them as you sped past but interestingly it also seemed as if our bodies were merged in some fashion into one transcendent being - not all the time but often enough to keep us in awe. Mind you this was back when I had a dancer's frame, 15 years of inhaling corporate fumes has left me sadly in ill repair, it's only recently through yoga that I've found my own true inner body returning - hence the desire to shake some booty.

There are a couple of applications out there that I've been playing with lately, facebook and twitter and they remind me of dancing in some fashion. These are what are called social apps because they're all about people interacting with each other on the internet. They let us keep in touch through short little text messages that are updated frequently. These short sentences usually reflect a person's mood or tell of an action being taken, what they've just eaten or who their new friends are. I'm fascinated by this. It strikes me that perhaps these are our early days of information dancing. The dawn of digital tribal movements saying "Look at Me". Small pieces of our separate lives are being blended together to be watched on a web page. Where will this go? I'm curious, what happens as we intertwine our lives closer and closer albeit today only through the limited medium of writing but tomorrow? As we become more aware of each other is this a dance that leads us to feel more connected while speeding temporally by? Are we on the road, like my young dance troupe, where some day we bond momentarily as one and as dervishes whirl together in collective meditation fully aware of what each other is feeling and doing?

A Stroke of Insight

Below is a link to a video from a recent TED conference. TED is a meeting of select individuals - it stands for Technology, Entertainment and Design and they generally discuss some very powerful ideas with brilliant speakers and then broadcast them on the internet. This particular one caught my attention because of its relevance to yoga and the mind. The speaker comes across with great emotion and commitment and more importantly she echoes what my yoga teachers strive to teach us in some fashion during classes.

Jill Bolte Taylor is a brain researcher here in Boston who suffered a stroke twelve years ago. The stroke disabled much of the left hemisphere of her brain. What's interesting is her description of what happens as this part of the mind gives up control, in her case unwillingly. Most people are familiar with the left/right brain discussion. The general sense is that the left brain is logical and the right more intuitive. She expands on that concept in the ways that I think anyone with an interest in the Self vs self dialog would find fascinating. Part of me has to ask - yogis, is this what we've been trying to do all along?

The actual lecture lasts about twenty minutes but I guarantee you'll be thinking about it far longer than that.

Jill Bolte Taylor talks about her stroke of insight

Love Conquers All

I've just seen a wonderful little movie which I want to recommend to you. It's called Wall-E from Pixar. You've probably heard of it and you may have already seen it, particularly if you have children. It's a beautiful tale, full of love and hope. If you haven't seen it, check it out, better yet see it with someone you really care about and hold hands throughout - it's that kind of movie.

I went to see it because I'm always curious about how robots are portrayed in film. Robotics was one of my early loves and I studied machine learning for quite a few years from the cognitive and philosophical side. Eventually I drifted from the esoteric into what we call wetware, trying to derive models of learning by observing and experimenting with actual biological systems. However I digress...

This movie is a little bit about robots, they are the main characters after all, and more about relationships. Wall-E falls in love with another robot who has trouble loving him back. It not that she can't, it's just that she's got other things on her mind. As in many classic fairy tales, our hero strives and strives to overcome seemingly insurmountable odds to prove his love and win her heart. There's no grandstanding on his part, no dragons being slain, no boasts about his abilities or accomplishments; he's just patient with her, staying by her side through many difficult moments. To me this is love; it's saying ok I care about you though I may not completely understand you and I'm here when you're ready, for whatever. Wall-E's big dream was to hold hands with her. I'm down with that - simple touch means so much.

There's not really a whole lot more to true love; it's just someone saying I accept you as you are and I want to be with you and only you and then meaning it throughout their being. And you can't tell if someone loves you from a distance, it has to be up close and messy. Love is about taking chances, which is a wonderful segue into the second type of relationship portrayed in this movie.

The humans in Wall-E's world have lost their ability to face risks. They live in a sheltered environment protected from needing or wanting anything; it's all delivered to them by faithful robotic servants. This retreat from actually living their lives fully to just sitting around and letting circumstance dictate what they should and shouldn't feel has left them satisfied yet clueless and not truly happy. They don't realize what they're missing. That's the second lesson here - it's the struggle, the striving, the overcoming of fear and the joy that comes from dancing in the face of doubt that ultimately defines how much we are alive in this world. If we don't fully live, scary as that may be, then how can we ever really love, and isn't love what we came here for?

Of Heaven and Earth

I spent this past long weekend celebrating the holiday with my extended family. We gather once a year around this date, coming in from all over the country, settling into a string of homes along the northern coast of Maine, a bit off the beaten track. It's one of my favorite places on earth and being there with the people I grew up with, my tribe, makes it all the sweeter.

At night, if you take a moment and walk a few yards away from all the festivities and into an open field, you can lie down on your back and view the most amazing display of stars, something we rarely see from the more populated areas where we all tend to live nowadays.

In truth, we really can't fathom the scope of the universe, the dance of stars contained within and all their magnificent gyrations. Science tells us that we are constantly being bathed with many forms of radiation from these distant bodies, but it's the limitation of our senses that registers them only as twinkling points of light. Still, this seemingly random scattering of luminescence has inspired us, awed us, and led the poets, artists and dreamers of our cultures to create wondrous works of infinite depth. We're only seeing a small piece of the sky's true beauty and yet look at what we can do with it.

When we reach out to each other, when someone comes within our sphere of notice, when they start to mean something to us, we only see a small piece of that person, a minute portion of the radiation of their true spirit. At times we have to remember that it's our own limitations, our own, only too human, set of senses that are not allowing us to truly realize that other person.

And much like scientists, there are those that proclaim, when dealing with people, there is more you need to know, more characteristics to be gleaned, a theory of why this and why that that has to evolve and at length when enough information is gathered you can finally expel an "I understand" and go forth. Only then will you let someone into your life. But the poet, the artist, the dreamer within tells us: what I see is enough to work with; my own senses, limited as they are, provide for me enough that I may create and in doing so join spirits. Just as the heavens inspire us, so too should we be inspired by those we love. Let's just lie back and enjoy the dazzling display of each other.

Control/Alt/Delete anyone?

So I'm learning how to assist during classes at my yoga studio and one of the requirements before becoming an assistant is that you must complete a Red Cross course in first aid and AED. AED stands for Automated External Defibrillator and is an amazing little device. It works at reading and stabilizing the heart which can be beating in an unusual pattern and preventing proper blood flow. There's not much to using one because it literally tells you in a rather calm voice what you should do - step by step taking you through attaching things and clearing away and then administering a shock. In fact the real lesson for this section of the first aid course was "Don't over think the process. Listen to what the machine is telling you to do". Our instructor repeated this incessantly until it became an afternoon mantra for me.

"Don't over think the process. Listen to what the machine is telling you to do. "

In some ways this is how we live our lives day to day. We rarely question the technologies offered us. As long as they work, and are easy to use, then we invite them in. Each new idea or product we accept though carries with it the seeds of change affecting our everyday patterns and introduces a new and different way of viewing and interacting with the reality around us.

This is important because we can't separate who we are from the things that we use everyday. You are much more because you have a car and that changes your identity of who you are and what you can do. I'm someone who can meet somebody at any given time at anyplace within driving distance. You are in contact much more often with friends because you carry a mobile phone and that changes the localized society around you. The more we connect through the phone, through text messaging, through the internet, the more integrated our lives are. These are the meta patterns that I'm curious about. Meta, because they exist in each of us and yet can be extrapolated to show trends and direction amongst a large group of people. The only question I really want to ask is - are these patterns enhancing our lives or somehow limiting us. Are they helping us become more self actualized, in Mazlow's terminology, or are they merely "what the machines are telling us to do".

Every step has a past and a future, each step containing within itself the entire journey.