The New In Renewal

I find this to be the most interesting time of year. That period between Christmas or Hanukkah and New Year's Day where we seem to float, a bit disengaged, tangled in the memories of the past year and bursting with the urge to start over. Filled with the need to begin anew and aligning ourselves with visions of resolution. We begin charting a course towards becoming what we feel would be a better person. Most likely we've overindulged a bit with the holiday parties and dinners. It might be that the stress meter is running a little higher than normal particularly if you've had to fight mall traffic or sit next to an unpleasant in-law over the course of a family meal.

Yes, culturally we've set ourselves up for the promise of change. As if one we go to the sea murmuring "My new year's resolutions will solve that ___", "All I need to fix is this and I'll be ___", "Well on the first of January I'll start to ___" - you fill in the blanks. We're primed; we've guzzled and gulped, simmered with apprehension over gifts and family, and in the small hours of the morning hung our heads in remorse at past misdeeds of the fleeing year.

What better time for transformation. The urge is built into our behavior. It's become a part of our societal DNA. We go running hard and then slam up against this wall of promise - the New Year, the New You, the New Life, ah I love the sound of that - who doesn't? What's going on though? It seems like we're bringing to the forefront our weaknesses, our faults and identifying with them. In this post-partum moment we say to ourselves "I need to change". This is all good but the fly in the ointment is that we've've built up this pressure behind it. So instead of examining habits and inclinations and forging a new spirit evoked by gradual change we reach out and proclaim "I must be New!" This is the fallacy of our current lifestyle. We're conditioned to expect that we can get what we want quickly and relatively easy. Simply proclaim the new and improved You hence you are now new and improved.

True change is a laborious process, not altogether unpleasant, but it requires a lot of work, daily work, with a constant vigilance towards keeping on the path. We get all wound up with this concept of New, of being transformed. If we're not careful we mistake the process for the purpose. Rare is the legitimate overnight shift to a new way of being, even less often that St. Paul moment with a vision striking you into conversion, real upheaval, to the core, not merely conversant in the terms of conversion (unless of course you are chosen by God to be a saint, then all previous comments need not apply).

Revolutions, you may notice, generally only replace the people in charge. As The Who succinctly put it, "Meet the new boss, same as the old boss". What modifies societies and people in a permanent fashion is an underlying current of evolutionary behavior. It is wave after wave that reshapes the ledges of the shore just as it is slow tidal movements from deep within that fashion a new life. Ultimate change comes from small actions practiced over and over with awareness of purpose. This is yoga.

I'm not saying don't make resolutions. I think they're good for you and help you focus on what you want. I have a few myself. What I am pointing out is that you should prepare to undergo the long journey if you want permanent change. That brief momentary feeling of victory where you start from a gully of remorse and then climb to the edge and look out over a field of poppies is seductive but misleading. The new you is better served with small, insightful steps bearing a course that aligns with your spiritual nature. Trust that you'll get there without banners and proclamations but simply arrive when your Being is ready to accept what is.

Start by dropping the New from Renewal and work with what's left ~ Real.

photo credit: Sunburst by John Gavrille

It's My Nature...

There's an old fable that's been passed around a bit which I'm going to reach for once again to introduce a thought.

A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a river. Now the frog is mighty afraid of the scorpion but the scorpion just asks, "Frog - will you carry me across the river on your back?". The frog replies, "How do I know you won't sting me while I'm carrying you?" The scorpion says, "Why then I would drown." The frog mulls this over a bit and reluctantly agrees. Halfway across the river the frog feels a sharp prick in his back and realizes that the scorpion has indeed stung him. He cries out, "Why scorpion, why have you stung me, now we'll both die." And the scorpion replies, "It's my nature..."

How often do we engage in acts of self destruction, in deeds that leave us feeling less than whole, behaviors we perform that leave us looking at ourselves and saying - I don't like what I just saw. How hard do we beat ourselves up when we realize that we've done this. How intensely do we critique our own nature? And perhaps more importantly - if there is an aspect of our being that we recognize as problematic, now I'm not talking about losing five pounds or eating more vegetables, I'm speaking more towards a core personality trait, is it possible to do something different? Can we change our nature?

Well, it begins by accepting what is true. This may be the hardest part. We have a nagging suspicion that something's not right or we'll look in the metaphysical mirror and go "why did I just do that?" All too often we blow it off, blame it on other people or say that's just the way I am. We don't really own the experience - we disassociate ourselves. It's not our fault or they don't understand me so I don't really care.

On the other hand, we may retreat into our own heads and put up defensive walls. We begin with "I'm a bad person" and let the dialogue continue from there, dragging us down in the muck of our own self wallowing. Somehow we think that this will redeem us, purify us in some fashion as if doing penance is our own little way of keeping score with God. "Have I broken even yet, Lord?"

All this begs the question - are you really bad? Is what you're doing really all that harmful? It may leave you with a small distaste but are you hurting people aside from yourself? If the answer's yes then you need to fix this, that's just not good karma. If the only person being maligned is little ole' you then you have the option to either accept it or work on growing into some other frame of mind.

Here is the litmus test. Who is being hurt by the way you act? If it's just you, relax, work on fixing it, chuckle when you fall into old patterns but then realign yourself and go out to test yourself again and again. This is spiritual growth, it's the only game worth playing so enjoy the contest between your will of now and your will to become.

If you're causing harm to others well, that's a much more serious proposition. This may at times be difficult to recognize. A disservice to someone may not be as forthright as dealing them an emotional blow. It may be that you are subtly preventing them from growing towards what they could potentially become. Perhaps you interact with them in a less than honest fashion, leaving the residue of guilt after each conversation. The Universe does not appreciate this.

In this case, possibly, you are the scorpion. Think long and hard here. What you do may provide you some obtuse pleasure or feel justified in your own personal weaving of the the world but ask yourself - am I also drowning in the process?

We can change, we have many options. We can choose not to sting but rather have a conversation and get to the other side. We can seek to avoid crossing the river for it may not be all that important. Some may say, this is the only way I'm going to learn how to swim, so be it but I'm not writing any insurance policies on you. And then there is a faction out there who I have run across that just accept this as the way it is. This is my nature...

For those of you in the last category, inevitably you know who you are, pay heed. The Universe has gifted you awareness for a purpose, do not squander that bounty. Do not let your nature in this limited plane define your existence, rather let your true essence guide you and grow into that being that is your spiritual inheritance. Do not strike when your purpose is merely to get to the other side, you have the choice. Nature is not the final arbitrator of our actions rather it is our intent, our determination, our desire for enlightenment that shepherds our growth and truly gives us the ultimate pleasure. Hold thy sting, enjoy the ride, get to the other side.

The Word is Propitious

It is not the unknown we should fear, rather it is the small acts of indecision that whittle away our self confidence.

Only the Curious Have Something to Find

They say that the superstitions of a child contain the wisdom of the universe. The magical insight that all things are possible when approached with the innocence of belief. Today I was walking along the waterfront, sort of mulling over this past year. I was reflecting on the interactions I'd had with various people and one person in particular. This was someone I'd had trouble communicating with. We never quite got our act together. She tended to leave quotes scattered about as if they were clues to her inner working. And me, I played into it, treating it like it was some sort of game, where, if you guessed the riddle or said the magic word, a prize would drop down from the ceiling and an announcer would suddenly boom out - "Congratulations, you are now going to live happily ever after".

Some of the passages I understood but many were paradoxical in meaning or could be applied across multiple intents. So I was walking along dwelling on a particular quote and the circumstances around it, mostly saying to myself, ok, you've got stop over-thinking about this kind of stuff and really, just move on, when I hear the chorus of a song coming from the outdoor speakers of a cafe I was passing by. The last line in the chorus, literally, is the quote I'm thinking about - "Only the curious have something to find". I kid you not.

How strange is that? Turns out the words I was pondering are from a song by a band called Nickel Creek. Playing at that same moment as I was walking by. The universe is a funny place. Well this took me in a whole different direction.

One of my favorite phrases is from a cult movie called Repo Man. It goes like this

"They don't realize that there's this, like, lattice o' coincidence that lays on top o' everything."

Personally I think this is brilliant just for the juxtaposition of lattice and coincidence. Lattice pertaining to structure and coincidence signifying randomness - structured randomness - the boy physicist in me quivers in delight at this mental maelstrom. Wish I'd written this. More importantly, I believe there's a good deal of truth here.

I tread lightly now, as this is the house of belief. We each have different dwellings but in some fashion they all provide shelter for the soul with the requisite access and egress. We all have rules whether we're conscious of it or not, of the way the universe works. My rules may be different from yours, but neither are right or wrong. Indeed, your rules are, in some fashion, your definition of what the universe is and inherently influence how you perceive events.

I believe, if you'll bear with me, two distinct things. One is that the universe encompasses a guiding force. I'm not sure about the mechanism or the reason but I believe deeply that the universe is a conduit of sacred design in some fashion for all of us. I haven't committed yet to the concept of a higher being or even a greater intelligence, no, I actually believe the word intelligence is not profound enough to describe the process that forges our being. It's more like cosmic river banks. Within these corporeal confines we flow and interact. In our everyday world it is gravity and motion, the basic physics of space and time, that determine the heft and hew of a river's course. In terms of our souls intertwined with fate, these forces, metaphysical in nature, are love and fear, hope and desire and many, many more shapers of our essence, our being. And much like the proverbial river, there are spiritual embankments that guide us while, in turn, it is our actions and interactions that cut anew shoreline, sending us in directions unforeseen.

My second belief pertains to what happened to me today. I believe that the universe is in constant contact with us, which is obvious but not so clear. Further, I think that the universe is continuously trying to communicate with us. Strange as it may seem I trust that it (I know, a little weird here), wants to try to explain itself and more importantly, give us a greater say in the ways things are flowing. I truly feel that one of our reasons for existence, why we cycle through this dance again and again, is to eventually marry our consciousness with this flow and contribute to the guiding nature that is this river.

Stay with me now. Assuming that this is the case, then I propose that the universe has provided us with the greatest gift told. It answers all our questions, all of them, all of the time. What I'm saying is that any and all responses to any question or request we can think of already exists and is, at this moment, fully incorporated into the reality around us. We have all we need to find any truth, sitting right in front of us. The only constraint is in our ability to interpret what the universe is saying, or if I may conjecture further: the only real limitation is our capability to pay attention. Coincidence, superstition, the acts that occur seemingly at random moments should not necessarily be chalked up to the turn of the card, á la Einstein's famous quote, "God does not play dice with the universe".

Often it is the Greater Voice and we should pay heed. However, like the mythological benefactions of ancient Greek gods, interpretation is the dilemma. I can say with certainty, "this means something" but what, what exactly does it mean? Here lies the enigma, the quest for answers. Where is the key that unlocks understanding and offers sustenance for our oft bewildered minds.

I'm betting that it exists within our own being. It is held in the experiences of our life, our past. It is our own self awareness, the steps that define our journey. At that moment of strange attractors, the universe is saying stop, look deep inside, and voilà, another opportunity to study and find reason and purpose based on who we are and who we want to be.

The augurist is indeed a caretaker of the heart.