There are few things I enjoy more at the end of the day than a glass of wine and penning a good sentence. So too there are few things that bring a greater fear to my heart. This struggle, this challenge, this urge to create is accompanied close within by a familiar of utter fright. I find I am haunted by the limitations of my ability. Over the years this has led me far from pursuing what I love. It's not so much that I dread others viewing my work or worry about the criticisms or ennui that I may induce. It's my own dance I'm doing and the demon band plays a tune I've scored myself.
I had forgotten the first lesson of true artistry. That is, once you start you have little control and the piece takes you where it will. I've been researching the world lately, traveling and asking questions, - listening closely to the finest thinkers I can find, reading their works, pondering their message. I was looking for my translation of the current socio-economic situation and treading water while attempting to compose a magnus opus addressing what I have found. In truth though, I've come to believe that there is no narrative, at the moment, capable of capturing the subtle twists rippling through our culture. The situation we find ourselves in has a unique cast in the pall of current history. Yet in my soul I know something is shifting, some rough beast, whose hour has come round at last, now slouches towards Bethlehem. This I feel deep within.
To me, it is a strident call. These times demand more from us. It is the perihelion of a cycle that melts the wax and exposes us to to the harsh rule of gravity. I believe now we can no longer sit aside and make casual observations, it's time to turn towards true commitment.
I know I'm leading you on a strange path - forgive me, I'm reaching for feeling more than words and my lexical skills will not readily map to my study of the mountain passes. I ran a race this past weekend with a dear friend and she kindly let me entertain her with stories from my youth to preoccupy us as we trudged along, the first serious run of the season. I was telling her about a time when I was military and they taught us how to run and fight. I remember a key part of my training back then was counter intuitive to mine, and most people's nature. We were strenuously conditioned to move towards gunfire, towards explosions, instantaneously, with little thought and no hesitation.
This was a lesson they learned the hard way in past wars. In general, you would be moving along on a patrol and if it was not your lucky day you might walk into an ambush consisting of non friendly types firing at you from multiple directions. At this point most freeze and duck for cover, if so, then your odds of survival are very slim, particularly if they know what they're doing when they set up the ambush. The guys who trained us (mind you some of them had left pieces behind in the jungles of Southeast Asia) figured out the the proper technique for minimizing your losses in this kind of situation. You immediately turn and move into the firing line, ideally back the way you came or forward depending on the terrain, fast and hard, pouring everything you have into the breach and hoping to god that you break through and come out behind the ambush - then it gets tricky for the other guy. You may realize that this doesn't often work well for either side but the only other option is to sit there and be decimated. Not a game I like to play.
I use this now as a metaphor for the times we're in. We've been ambushed in a way, not by any enemy but by ourselves. We've been lulled these past years into believing many things that were not quite true or that were obvious in their malignant nature yet passing or suspending judgment when the right answer was to rise above the seduction of the market and foment fundamental changes. Accepting and absolving when we should have been more strident in our demands that our culture match the spiritual grace we know we deserve. Now we pay the price.
So the answer I have is to turn into the fire, moving swiftly towards the unknown, striking out and hoping to break through and achieve some grasp of the situation. My goal is to gain access to a point of communication and use it as a tool to put information out that will effectively support the coming changes our culture is beginning to witness. Find mechanisms that allow me to present what I am coming to understand as necessary in a society that is rapidly decompressing and undergoing fundamental transformation. There's an old adage that I've tongued for years - "Never pick a fight with a man who buys ink by the barrel".
Makes sense to me - so much so that I've started a small company bent on moving into the publishing business in this high tech, new world order. We're going to put out a magazine, mobile in nature, designed to be read on your cell phone and other types of smaller devices. I say magazine because that's the closest word I can think of to describe what I want to produce but it really doesn't do the media potential justice.
I have a strong track record of creating products and projects but always strictly in the technology field and backed up by market analysts and preppies sporting MBAs like tennis rackets. Here, my heart leads for the first time and the product, while inclusive of cutting edge technology, is really about creative content. These are days that require people with voices to speak up and make assertions and calls for actions that move us in the right direction. Hopefully I will discover and bring to a greater audience those whose thoughts and spirit might guide us a bit more consciously. That's the role I'm trusting to sign on to as a publisher. And as far as moving into the fire, this is probably one of the scariest places to be at the moment, trying to establish a new endeavor in the media industry.
Rest assured, I'm well trained.
It is not enough to see
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