To Emily, Wherever You May Find Her

Dear Emily,

There is no Santa Claus. The good guys don't always win. And that prince you were waiting for - well, he took off with a dancer from Club Pixie. Sometimes Emily, that happy ending is, in reality, a tear soaked pillow.

Emily, it's not that we lied to you, it's just that we never told you the truth. People are complicated and though you may want to believe they all mean well, particularly the ones you've come to love, it's not always the case. By nature the heart wants to reach out, wants to mate. This exists in all , yet also within us there is a cruelty capable of occluding the joy that this communion promises.

These two forces not only coexist but each in turn feeds the other, and the stronger the one, the stronger the twain. We are, dear Emily, a set of conflictions when it comes to relationships. It seems as though when you tap into that point where people start to feel their hearts reaching out then the ego reaches in and it becomes a struggle. Strong emotions call forth strong reactions. We all wrestle with this at some level but there are those who bear psychic scars from the past beyond the norm of teenage angst, who are intrinsically damaged in this area. Love, while never simple, becomes a crowded affair for these people. Love, in some, brings with it an entourage of disdain and scorn.

And listen Emily, listen carefully, when these negative emotions appear they are not aimed at you but because this person cannot find the ability to love themselves, you become the target. Because they connect fear and doubt towards honoring their own being, they transfer this to all things that they may potentially love before those roots can truly grow.

There is no cure that you can bring for this, no pleading, no negotiations. This is who they are. They have to recognize it and know how self denying it is and then, perhaps, change can come from within. Sad as it may seem, the harder you try to reach them, the stronger they feel justified in fleeing from any sense of exposure of their true soul.

Em, there is no yellow brick road. Oz for these people is, in most cases, someone who is more damaged than they are. They increasingly sink into a co-dependent trap of despair, never quite realizing that each iteration takes them further from their true being and the reason they are here for this breath of the life cycle.

Girl, you don't have to follow them down. I know you and I know how strong you can be and how much love you have to give. Find the receptacle for all that joy and hope. Seek a partner to dance with, one who communicates richly, one who can grow as you grow.

This is the dharma we are here for, to give love and take love - not unconditionally, but with grace and good measure. Those who can't and won't, those that challenge others to fill some emptiness inside rather than just accepting love - let them go, without anger. Their journey is tough enough already.